Swan song

Now how difficult can the last dog wee of the day get?  Well….I turfed them out at about 11pm last night and we trailed round the grass outside the boat, dogs tiddling, me counting them off and checking that they’d all gone. With everyone done, we started heading back to the boat when suddenly Monty spotted the young swan that has been hanging round of late. It was swimming along the pontoon, coming up to the bows of the boat and basically right in line with the front doors. Monty doesn’t like much, swans included, so he kicked off and I decided to retreat and calm him down, worried that he might have a go at the swam and/or vice versa.

Unfortunately Mr Swan was very interested in any mossy morsels he might be able to scrape off the decking so was in no hurry to go to his bed – unlike me who, clad in only a T-shirt and jeans, was feeling a tad on the cold side and extremely tired to boot. I thought that I’d make a run for it and see if I couldn’t quickly chivy them past and into the safety of the boat. The only problem was just at that moment, gliding serenely out of the darkness, came mum and dad. Unlike normal parents, who would have cuffed their sprog lightly round the beak and told them to get back to the nest, they were more than happy to encourage their wayward child to hang around dark watery alleys at night. In fact, they started feasting on the decking too, which meant that I now had to get past three swans if I wanted to go to sleep.

Monty found his voice again when he clocked the new visitors and was becoming increasingly agitated, and still the swans wouldn’t bugger off. Aha, I thought, time for a cunning plan…I’ll get A to hang out the side hatch and create a diversion with a cheesy topped roll. I called out to him through the front doors..he was sitting at the dinette but didn’t hear me. I called again…and again…and again. I even picked up some gravel and threw it at the cratch glass. Still he didn’t hear me. It was only about 10 minutes later that he finally came out to find out what was going on. Nice of him to be so concerned that his wife and dogs had disappeared for 20 minutes – we’re usually back in less than five after Last Wees.

Anyway, Operation Divert A Swan was put into successful operation though I was praying as I ushered each dog down the pontoon and onto the boat that A wouldn’t peak too early and throw all the bread out before we were safely inside. However we made it back unmolested. They were back today mind, circling with intent…and we’re out of bread. If we get a repeat performance tonight, then I’m going to have to rely on A and a Pot Noodle.